note
sorry, a lot of these don’t have sources because i wasn’t collecting sources when i pasted them in here…
self-approval vs. external judgment
✶ other people may think you are inadequate but that will hold little weight unless you agree with them and if you agree with them is it out of wisdom - that you could be acting in a way you’d respect more? you can just do that
- validation - whether it’s from you or from other people - is only going to satisfy you, silence the insecure beast in your head - if you feel like it was given to you for Good Reason. so the question is, what do you have to do to reliably deserve your own approval?
- if the answer is something you couldn’t realistically do, you’re probably unfairly denying yourself your own kindness
- if it’s something you’re not doing but could, you have your answer
✶ if you cringe at and are embarrassed by who you are or what you do, you are essentially inviting the world to judge you vs. when you just show up as you are unapologetically, the world tends to assume there’s nothing strange happening there, that there is no need to judge you.
fear a half-lived life vs. enriching difficulties
✶ There’s a moment when a person starts fearing the shoddy, half-lived life of indulged anxiety more than the cold millstone of courage, and something instantly changes in them. They become spiritually taller and three times as attractive
✶ high achievers (and even “normal” achievers who simply are not depressed) are able to run towards the danger. when i’m at my best, i show up to events even if i’ve had a shitty day at work. i try to network with other creators even though i am jealous and feel mildly intimidated by them. i don’t let my fear dwarf the potential benefits of showing up. and most of the time, having done the scary thing, i feel much more capable than i did before.
- during my depressed states, i avoid all sorts of discomfort. maybe i felt self-loathing about how other people are so much cooler and better than me, so i’m going to cancel my plans with people for the rest of the day. these past few months, i was in a low patch, and i didn’t socialize with new people at all. i got stuck in the limiting belief my mind constructed for myself, that uncomfortable situations mean i should avoid them.
dealing with rejection
I deal with rejection in two phases:
- Preparation: Pragmatic and unemotional. I make a list of places to send and I send to those places and when I have done that, my part is done, I just have to wait.
- Result: I view it as data and move on.
But it’s mostly about decoupling your sense of value and worth from the result. Lots of brilliant things get rejected. Lots of not so brilliant things get published. The ideal is to make art you feel proud of and see if you can find collaborators who feel the same.
being understood
✶ I started worrying less about being misunderstood when I realized people who give a fuck will ask for clarity. The others are already dedicated to a narrative, and that’s their story to live with.
✶ find ways to better make your gifts and talents appreciable (AKA able to be understood easily by others)
- it’s not as simple as “advocate for yourself” though that’s an ingredient
- it’s mostly a skill which requires modeling how other people perceive you, and how you could make it easy for them to see what you see in yourself